On Family Time

To state the obvious:  you must make sure that you spend time with your family, corporately and individually.  Daily, weekly and seasonally, e.g. vacations, you need to be with the family and they need to be with you.  You neglect this to the detriment of all:  yourself, your family, your ministry.

Having stated the obvious, let me address this issue from a somewhat contrarian point.  Don’t let your family become an idol or an excuse for neglecting your congregation.  In the last generation or so it has become increasingly fashionable for pastors to “wear their family on their sleeves.”  We proclaim our date night to everyone.  We make missing a meeting for a sports event or a concert some kind of a badge of honor.  We follow nothing so religiously as the sanctity of our “family day off.” 

Don’t over play “family time.”  Has the “family time” pendulum swung too far?

Lots of people have jobs that keep them busy and away from their families.  I’ve known many auto workers who regularly work 60 hours a week.  Insurance and real estate agents have lots of evening appointments.  Retail workers work when “everyone else” is off.   And after these people have worked a long week, their pastors still expect them to come to meetings, Bible studies and services at church.

So as a pastor don’t get caught up in counting your hours.  If you are looking for a forty hour, nine to five gig where you can have every evening at home and every weekend free, this isn’t it.

I like what Cicero said, “Duties don’t conflict.”  As a pagan philosopher he can’t be all right, but he is not all wrong.  Generally speaking, there is enough time in most days to fulfill your proper duties as a husband, father, pastor, neighbor, citizen.  But you better keep your feet moving!

Here are some tips on how to maximize your time in ways that enable you to properly fulfill your responsibilities at home and get the job done at work:

• Wherever you are, be fully there.  When you are at work, work.  When you are with the family, be home.  I made it my practice to change from my “pastor clothes” to my “family clothes” whenever I come home, even if I have to back to church in just a couple of hours and change clothes again.

• Minimize additional activities.  Be careful about classes and sports leagues. Don’t enroll in too many.  Instead find clever, time efficient ways to keep yourself educationally current and physically fit.  While it is good to be involved in the community and beyond, be judicious with the number of community and denominational organizations you join.  Just because you can do an activity, it doesn’t mean you should.  Avoid additional hobbies that separate you from your family; instead choose hobbies that bring your family together.

• Figure out how to milk the clock.  See how to reutilize time so that you can stretch the day’s twenty-four hours.  Can you stay up just a little later or get up a little earlier to get something done?  What about shortening or skipping your lunch hour?  (Many of us pastors would find a double benefit in this!)  Set some meetings at non-traditional times; breakfast meetings and late afternoon meetings can free up evenings for everyone.  (Your church leaders have families too, and jobs.)  Work smart. Work fast.  And when you’re at work, get at it, get done and get home.  Don’t make your family or your congregation pay because you aren’t diligent in your work habits.

• Pray.  Although I have yet to be able to find the quote, it has often been said that Luther prayed for two hours a day and, when he got really busy, he prayed for three!  Hmmm…  Maybe we pastors struggle balancing family time and pastor time because we do not invest enough time in prayer!  It sure worked for Luther:  he wrote a shelf full of books, led the Reformation, raised a large family and still had time to enjoy a beer with the boys!

• Turn off the TV and other electronic gadgets.  I envy the people who watch no TV.  That is a bar I have not been able to clear.  My consolation is that watching TV keeps me connected to the culture.  Or is that excuse?  Regardless, watching TV, surfing the net and playing video games can gobble up time like nothing else.  And no one, no one is really served.  So every chance you get, turn it/them off.

• Take your vacation.  There is no godly reason not to.  And take it in big clumps.  I wish we had taken more vacations two and three weeks at a time.  When you go, don’t take whatever is the latest communication device with you.  Go silent.  Go unplugged.  Go acoustic.   But go!

Yes, balancing well family time and work time will be crucial for your ministry… and family… to head toward significance.  Make sure you ride that pendulum carefully.