On Family Time
To state the obvious: you must make sure that you spend time with your family, corporately and individually. Daily, weekly and “vacationally,” you need to be with the family and they need to be with you. You neglect this to the detriment of all: yourself, your family, the congregation, the community. Strong, healthy families serve as the backbone of the Church and society.
Having stated the obvious, let me address this issue from a somewhat contrarian point of view.
Don’t let your family become an idol or an excuse for neglecting things that should not be neglected. In the last generation or so it has become increasingly fashionable for a Family First approach; we sort of “wear our families on our sleeves.” Remember, Jesus said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness.” We are to honor spouses, bless children, treasure the family, but God’s priority calls us to fear, love and trust in him above all things, even something as precious as our family. Don’t over play “family time.”
With that said, keep the following in mind.
If your family is too busy for weekly worship, regular Bible study and involvement in local congregational ministry, it is too busy. While people may think such things intrude on family time, they ultimately enrich it. Do a quick study on Scripture’s accent on Sabbath keeping.
Family time needs large doses of marriage time. Yes, parents need to be engaged in their children’s lives. Kids need both quantity time and quality time. Yet the best thing a dad can do for a child is to love the child’s mom. The best thing a mom can do for a child is to love the child’s dad. Making sure that your marriage thrives confers great benefit to the children even if it means time away from them.
Limit the sorts of commitments your family makes individually and corporately. You cannot do it all. You don’t need to do it all. Never let the agendas of others (coaches, band and choir leaders, gym owners) distract you from the number one family goal: life forever with Jesus. Parents get excited seeing their children succeed in academics, sports, music and the arts. But the Apostle John’s statement should drive the family calendar above all things, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” III John 1:4
Remember, family time is not an end in itself. It is a means to an end. It should serve to build each family member up in a relationship with Jesus.
We all have much to do each day, and God gives none of us more than 24 hours in which to do it. Here are a few more ideas to keep in mind to live life in a Jesus first, family friendly way.
Where ever you are, be fully there. When you are at work, work. When you are with the family, be home. When we had children at home, I made it my practice to change from my “work clothes” to my “family clothes” whenever I came home, even if I had to go back to church in just a couple of hours, as a way to be all in at home when I was there. (For that matter, I kept doing that after the kids were out of the house.)
Minimize additional activities. At the risk of repeating myself, be careful about how busy you make the family calendar. Be careful about time spent on hobbies, leagues, clubs and classes. Be strategic in picking those activities that can bring the family together and positively impact its faith life.Figure out how to milk the clock. See how to reutilize time so that you can stretch the day’s 24 hours. Can you stay up just a little later or get up a little earlier to get something done? What about shortening or skipping your lunch hour? Work smart. Work fast. And when you’re at work, get at it, get done and get home.
Pray. Although I have yet to be able to find the quote, it has often been said that Luther prayed for two hours a day and, when he got really busy, he prayed for three! Hmmm… Maybe we struggle balancing family time and the rest of life because we do not invest enough time in prayer. It sure worked for Luther: he wrote a shelf full of books, led the Reformation, raised a large family and still had time to enjoy a beer with the boys.
Turn off the TV and other electronic gadgets. I envy the people who watch no TV. That is a bar I have not been able to clear. Watching TV, surfing the net and playing video games can gobble up time like nothing else. Policing your family’s use of electronic gadgets may prove to be the most strategic and fruitful action you can take to keep family life in balance.
Take your vacation. There is no godly reason not to. And take it in big clumps. I wish we had taken more vacations two weeks at a time. When you go, don’t take whatever is the latest communication device with you. Go silent. Go unplugged. Go acoustic. But go!
I like what Cicero said, “Duties don’t conflict.” As a pagan philosopher he can’t be all right, but he is not all wrong. Generally speaking, there is enough time in most days to fulfill your proper duties as a spouse, parent, congregational member, worker, neighbor, citizen. But you better keep your feet moving.
Family first? Nope. Near the top? Yes. First is reserved for the King and his Kingdom.