On Kidding Yourself

What does it mean to “love your neighbor as yourself?” What in our love for self should shape our love for others?

At least one of the ways we love ourselves is that we give ourselves a lot of slack. We put the best construction on our own actions. We easily let ourselves off the hook. We self-assess our lives with kindness.

That’s not bad, and that’s good to extend to others. But a danger lurks. There is a fine line between loving ourselves and kidding ourselves. Extending kindness to self can easily slouch into kidding self.

Honesty is the best policy especially with our own selves.

Don’t kid yourself financially. Spending more than you make will not end well. You cannot borrow your way to prosperity. Life does not consist in the abundance of your possessions. Just because you can make the payments doesn’t mean you can afford the thing.

Don’t kid yourself about your health. Gaining just two pounds a year makes for sore knees in thirty. Make sure you are in fact hungry when you have that mid-day snack or that extra dessert. To say, “I really shouldn’t eat this,” and then eat it is kidding yourself. Are you being honest about your alcohol consumption? Don’t think you will be able to do at 50 what you did at 25 without staying in shape through your 30’s and 40’s. 

Don’t kid yourself about success. Make sure you have an honest assessment of your gifts and abilities. Do not be driven by envy. There are very few who make a big splash right out of the starting blocks. Hard work, bringing increased value to the organization, cooperation with your fellow workers and… time… are keys to success.

Don’t kid yourself about your family. “Quality time” only happens in the environment of “quantity time.” Making commitments you don’t keep will drive a wedge. Your example day by day will determine the family’s character over time. Your family, outside of salvation, is God’s greatest gift to you.

Don’t kid yourself sexually. Playing with matches and fire will burn you and the others you love. Building an intimate relationship with a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse brings catastrophe. It does not help your marriage to see images of others without their clothes on. An illicit sexual relationship is NEVER just between two consenting adults; it always brings disaster to the community.

Don’t kid yourself about your walk with Jesus. If he is the most important relationship in your life, there should be clear evidence of that in how you spend your time, what you read and watch, what you do with your money, how you treat others and what your level of joy and peace are.  Jesus said, “You can’t serve God and money.” Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Jesus said, “If you continue in my words, you are truly my disciples.” Jesus said, “I have come that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.”

Pessimism brings no gain. Danger lurks in unbridled optimism. Realism is the place to live… and thrive. 

Truth will have out.  Don’t kid yourself.

*For further reading: Leadership and Self-Deception, the Arbinger Institute.