On Listening
What passages do you find troubling or difficult? Something in Daniel? Revelation?
Here is one of the most troubling and difficult passages for me. “Be quick to listen and slow to speak.” (James 1:19) Are you kidding me? That’s a lot to ask from a pastor!
Listening is lots harder than it looks.
Surely you know the old line, “There’s a reason God gave you two ears but only one mouth.” Old lines get to be old lines because they are true.
Learning to listen well will enrich and enhance your effectiveness as a leader like few other things. Strong relationships depend on good listening skills.
Listen with expectation and humility. Remember, other people know things. There is no surer path to ineffective leadership than the failure to listen to other people. Do not feel intimidated when someone else knows something that you don’t; we are supposed to learn from others. They know things. They read things. You will be amazed what you can learn from other people if you really take time to listen. And listening doesn’t mean formulating a response while the other person is still talking. Work at engaging your ears and shifting your mouth into idle.
Listen when people ask you for advice. While they want advice, you really need to listen to the questions and concerns before you can offer what is truly germane to the situation. Too often we jump to conclusions and solutions before we really understand what is being asked. Conclusion jumping plagues all people. Our past experiences shape our assessment of new situations and may lead us to answer a question that is not being asked. I saw a statistic in Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwellthat said doctors tend to jump to a conclusion about a diagnosis after only ninety seconds of listening. 90 seconds?!? Sickness diagnosed. Course of treatment set. Listening done.
Surely over time we will and must make generalizations about people and their situations, often quickly. We should learn from experience. But ninety seconds? Caution! When someone asks for your advice, listen first. And give it more than a minute and a half.
Listen with tunnel vision. Quit worrying about what you have to do next. Stop looking around for who you need to talk to next. Focus. You are doing the one thing needful for that person when you take the time to really listen. Be all in.
Listen when you are hearing an uninspiring speaker. Sometimes in the midst of what seems to be an aimless, never ending presentation you will find a nugget of gold that you will remember forever. Be thankful for that; it is unlikely that you would keep more than one nugget from a good speaker. So focus. Resist the urge to let your mind wander. You might be surprised at what gold you will find if you take time to really listen to a less than scintillating speaker.
Listen when older people are talking. Because there is nothing new under the sun, we can learn a lot from listening to those who have already spent more time under it than we have. You can learn some very helpful life lessons from older people if you really take the time to listen. Don’t confuse old with irrelevant. What is “now” is not always as new as you think. Resist the worship of the new and the ageism of our day.
Listen to God. You hear from God a lot. You hear him in his Word. He speaks through the working of your memory. He speaks through other Christians. He speaks through situations. He speaks through the Creation. God speaks to us a lot.
The thing is to listen.
And of course, listen to your spouse. Listen to what is said with words. Listen to what is said without words. There is no one in your life who is more interested in your well-being than your spouse. To state the obvious, but to state it: you must spend time with your spouse to be able to listen. Effective listening takes physical presence. Great listening locations are the breakfast, lunch or dinner table, the weekly night out, the evening strolls, the back patio or the porch in front. So listen to your spouse. You’ll be a wiser person, a better mate and parent, and a far more effective leader when you take the time to really listen.
Good listening skills will serve you well on the path toward significance.