On Sex
Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed by a husband and wife. It is indeed a powerful gift. Like all gifts Satan seeks to get us to misuse and misappropriate it. While boundaries are important in all areas of life, they are even more so in the area of intimacy.
What follows may sound quaint, outmoded or unenlightened. Oddly, it may also seem controversial. For Christians leaders it is a key sign post on the path toward significance.
WATCH IT!
You must not fall into sexual immorality. Except for unbelief itself, nothing is more disastrous to a Christian than to engage in sexual immorality. Paul writes, “Flee sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” (I Corinthians 6:18)
The writer of Proverbs interestingly juxtaposes wisdom with sexual immorality. Nothing is more stupid than getting involved in sexual relations with someone who is not your spouse. The writer describes the wayward man, “All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierce his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.” (Proverbs 7:22-23)
Sexual immorality will destroy your marriage, your family, your reputation, your leadership and your relationship with God.
Boundaries are crucial. While your context may call for different boundaries, these are the boundaries that I follow.
- Never counsel a woman with no one else in a near by office.
- Do not give a ride to a woman by myself.
- Make sure there is a window into my office. (A counseling friend of mine disagrees with this because it interferes somewhat with privacy. Of course that is the point of it.)
- Be careful about physical contact. Some people by nature are more of a hugger than others. This is not to say I do not hug people, but I am careful. I specialize in warm hand shakes.
- Avoid the revelation of intimate details of my personal life.
Such boundaries protect you from untoward action toward another and from untoward action from another. The time to secure your boundaries is before something happens. Make sure you have clear boundaries in place.
DON’T WATCH IT!
Pornography has no place in your life. This is a special trap for men. It is of no benefit to a man, to his marriage or leadership in the Kingdom to see a woman besides his wife without clothes.
We live in a hyper-sexualized culture. Suggestive images abound: “main stream” TV shows, internet ads, critically acclaimed movies. Avoid them even if leaves you out of the loop with popular culture. For other reasons as well, less is more when it comes to watching TV, surfing the web and keeping up with movies.
Watch what you watch. Don’t let your eyes be the gateway to disaster.
WATCH IT WITH YOU LIFE!
Do all you can to enhance your marriage. Spend time with your spouse. Avoid hobbies that make an already busy spouse an absent one. Eat dinner together without the TV. Go on a date every week—without kids. Share your intimate heart concerns, joys and fears with each other. And as my pastor from long ago said, “If you are too busy for sex, you are too busy.”
You may not be married yet. As a single person how you comport yourself now and the kind of purity habits you practice now will bless your marriage when and if God grants you a spouse. You do not want to begin a marriage filled with regret and shame from past relationships.
As a married person you must keep faith with your spouse. You promised to be faithful. You gave your word. Do not break it.
I could go on and give more details and more specifics, but this topic could also have been written with just two words: watch it.