Why Can’t We Be Friends?

They’re coming you know, the Holidays. And for all the good that comes with the next two months of celebrations, difficulties adhere. The Holidays often exacerbate strained relationships. Add to that whatever recovery we all need from the recent election cycle which has done little to heal national and often family schisms. Then there are the special interest groups, some inside the Church, that talk past one another, often loudly. People are either at each other’s throats or have turned their backs to one another.

That is not how it should be. That is not what Jesus desires. He desires reconciliation. Both with the God (vertical) and with one another (horizontal). He desires friendship with him and with one another. To that end he has entrusted to his followers the ministry of reconciliation.

While Christmas itself is a few weeks away (not that many!), with it we celebrate the birth of Jesus: the incarnation of the Prince of Peace. He came to bring peace between God and mankind. He came to make peacemakers by inviting people like you and me to join him in the ministry of reconciliation.

The Apostle Paul wrote, “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sinfor us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” II Corinthians 5:17-21

During the course of 2024, reconciliation has served as the organizing topic for our District in its various conferences. Speakers and programs have focused on the ministry of reconciliation. As the year draws to a close here are three topics to consider as you seek to effect reconciliation with others, as you live your life of peacemaking.

Time

Reconciliation takes time. Think of the time God spent reconciling the world to himself in Christ. Generation after generation God worked patiently with his people, endured their setbacks, and remained steadfast in his commitment to the reconciliation brought forth in Christ.

Be patient with those with whom you are seeking reconciliation. Time does not heal all wounds, but it is often needed to sort through and recover enough from hurts to move forward by moving back together.

Talk

We started the year of reconciliation with a conference entitled Love Talks: Daring Conversations of Reconciliation. One of the greatest statements from God in his desire to bring reconciliation with the newly fractured relationship with his human creatures was when he spoke, “Adam, where are you.” And he continued to speak into the broken creation until finally he spoke through his Son, the Word made flesh.

Engage with those with whom you are estranged or need reconciliation. Engage with words. Talk. Phone. If you write, don’t do it on Facebook and let whatever you write sit for a day before you send it. Words are powerful. Words can bring healing. Here are some healing words. “I am sorry.” “I miss our friendship.” “I didn’t understand it that way.” “Will you forgive me?” “I forgive you,”

Trust

There is no reconciliation without trust. God proved himself trustworthy over and over. He kept his promises. He showered his people with kindness. He focused on giving not taking.

If you are estranged or separated from someone, trust will have to be built, or more likely, rebuilt. Start small. Start slow. Under promise and over deliver. Keep confidences. Put the best construction on the other.

Time. Talk. Trust.

And love. I define love as being fiercely committed to another no matter what the cost. We need to remember that “the other” has been loved by God and is one for whom Christ died. Warren Lattimore speaking at another one of our conferences said, “Without love reconciliation is not possible. True reconciliation cannot be forced; it must first be desired.”

As we prepare to enter into the Holiday Season (and move beyond the political one) that culminates in celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace, as we also continue to anticipate his return, may God guide you and me to grow in the ministry of reconciliation—with individuals, people groups, and even organizations. Be patient; reconciliation takes time. Dare to talk with others. Seek to build trust. And love— wholeheartedly.

There is an old song ironically sung by a band named War entitled Why Can’t We Be Friends. It’s a good question. In Christ we can be. In him we have freely received reconciliation from God. May that extend to celebrations of reconciliation in your family, congregation, community and beyond.