On Selective Neglect

When it comes to boundary management, selective neglect is a crucial club. Use this carefully. But use it. Sometimes good enough is. Sometimes you must let some things go.

You cannot attend every meeting. You cannot make every game. You cannot read every book or journal. You cannot do it all.

You cannot.

You are a follower in the Lord’s Church. You are not the Lord. You are a human being. You are not God.

So you have to decide what you can let go until later. You have to decide what you can let go for someone else to do. You have to decide what you can just let go. 

You have heard it said, “Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” That often holds true, but not always. Sometimes you should put off until tomorrow what you can. In A Contrarian’s Guide to Leadership Steven B. Sample argues that a good leader at times intentionally puts things off until tomorrow. Some things do work themselves out without our attention. That’s part of the beauty of selective neglect.  

Of course, some things do not work out over time; they fester. You have to select what to neglectand what not to. Choose carefully. Selective neglect should be used as a tool for more effective Christian living, not an excuse for sloth.

Here are some tips to consider for the successful application of selective neglect:

• Check your motives.  Don’t be driven by your need for personal affirmation; rather be driven by what really needs to be done.  For example, do you write that note or make that call because it makes you feel good about yourself instead of what the person needs?  Are you acting based on guilt or shame or because of good that needs to be done?

• Focus on the important not the urgent.  Put off responding to some emails so that you can do quality, sustained work on a project.  We can get so caught up responding to all the little urgencies of the day that we never get to the important points of the day.

• Prioritize according to duty: God, family, work, self. Frankly balancing God and self is harder than balancing family and work. Think of selective neglect in terms of whom you are neglecting and not just what. You will choose more wisely this way.

• Plan every day for more than a day. Look ahead not only for the day, but also the week, month and year. Planning helps you sort out not only what can be neglected, but for how long. Some things can be neglected this week but must be taken care of next week.

Give the day your best shot; do what must be done. Get after it; get after it good. But let go of what can wait. If there are things that can and should wait, apply selective neglect—wisely and carefully. Richard Swenson in The Overload Syndrome points out that any quitting time is an artificial distinction. There is always something more that could be done. You always must select what you neglect. Do so intentionally. Do so wisely.    

Remember God in all of this. Your work doesn’t ultimately depend on you. God works in and through you… and others. Part of selective neglect is really trust in God. 

Carry selective neglect in your bag of clubs. And make sure you use it—carefully.